Letting go

I had to let a friend go recently because it just wasn't working out for me. Her criticism of my parenting style was beginning to weigh me down. I'm not as sensitive as I was in the early months but I'm still pretty sensitive. Like, I'll never forget the first thing my sister-in-law said when she walked into my apartment and picked up my five day old son. "An undershirt?" she said, "not even a onesie?" I walked directly to our dryer to get a new outfit but changed my mind. My instinct told me I would never be able to keep up with the criticism so why even try. I guess you could say that this particular friend let me go as well. It's not like she's been calling me to hang out. But the things she would do and say used to totally bug me.

Part of it has to do with play-date etiquette. Some parents like to hang out, drink coffee, and catch up while the kids play together or at least play near each other. Other parents do other things, I guess. If my son says, "mommy help," which he sometimes does, I do help. And if I'm trying to encourage him to work on a difficult puzzle, I'll lend a hand. But mostly I'm drinking coffee and being supportive of the other adult in the room who's telling some cockamamie parenting story or other. Obviously, I'll also break up a fight if the kids are having issues sharing; I'm not completely oblivious. But I hate being told that I need to be more interactive. That, to me, is personal. I also do not believe that being interactive involves quizzing my child on colors, shapes, or animal sound identification, especially if he's playing contentedly with something else. I don't believe in flash cards either, as affirmed by Buy Buy Baby, with regard to the two year old and under set.

Now that I don't need to hover over my son at Underhill Playground, when he's playing on the younger kid's side, I particularly enjoy sitting back and watching him interact with other kids and parents. He's pretty good at negotiating situations and I'm right there if he does something grabby. It's fun for both of us and I get to sit down. I have always been a fan of the slightly longer child leash, figuratively speaking only. It can be just as difficult to take a backseat as it is to be fully engaged in my son's activity so it's not even a laziness thing. It's just a parenting style and it happens to be mine for the moment.

Originally posted on NYC Moms Blog.