The Last Minute Sabotage

Last week I found a word on Urban Dictionary that defines me perfectly: chronoptomist.  Well, maybe not their specific definition, which involved getting weed, something I don't get (in the literal sense, and in that I just don't understand why people do it - I already have no memory and constant munchies).  But the implied definition, that I always think it's going to take me less time to do things than it actually does, is me all the way.  My kids are consistently five or ten minutes late for school.  The problem is, we live too close to school.  It is at the very most, if we're dawdling, a ten minute walk away.  If we lived farther, especially if we had to drive, I would build in extra time for the unforeseen: slow traffic, an accident, lack of parking, etc.  But there's really nothing between our house and school that will slow us down enough to make them late.

So how does it happen then?  It's the kids' fault (isn't it always?).  Our mornings are actually kind of mellow.  Nine days out of ten, I don't even have to be showered before dropping them off (if you've ever tried to make an appointment with me before noon and I've been reluctant, now you know why), and my daughter gets a bath the night before.  Only Jake has to shower when waking up.  He recently started making breakfast for himself and his sister, so after showering and getting dressed he rushes through breakfast so that he can spend some time with his video games before school.  He's an early riser, so there are days when he has an hour between breakfast and school in which to play, or watch TV.  I'm often asleep through all of this.

I get up in time to make sure that Fiona is up in time, but it takes her about five minutes to get ready and another five to eat a tiny breakfast.  Then she gets out her crayons, or her dolls, and plays.  So, usually at least half an hour before we have to leave, we're all ready.  I'm emailing and tweeting and having a little breakfast, they're relaxing.  So what the hell happens to throw us off schedule?  Well, that's where the chronoptomism comes in.  I know where my shoes are.  I know how long it takes to put them on.  I know where my jacket is, and if I need one.  I know that I don't have to go to the bathroom.  And I've had a great streak of knowing where my keys are.

It's not me, it's the kids.  The little saboteurs are the reigning king and queen of last minute poops, lost shoes, lost backpacks, one glove, remembering at the last minute that they're supposed to bring in paper towel rolls or old clothes for an art project/snacks for a party I didn't know about/a permission slip they can't find, or just losing their shit and getting into a fight on the way down the stairs (it takes time to yell and threaten properly when that happens).

A lot of this stuff could be taken care of the night before, but that never happens.  I rarely do something ahead of time that I could instead do in a panic at the last minute.  And if I ask them if they're ready to go out the door, of course they're going to say yes, because they don't want to stop what they're doing.  So, we end up late, time and time again.  A nice, pleasant morning ends with me screaming like a drill sergeant to Move it! Move it! Move it!  And I hope not to run into the principal on the way in.  And every day I vow to do better tomorrow.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

But summer camp has started, and the kids can't be five or ten minutes late, because they get picked up by another parent for the carpool, and for some reason I've given more weight to not making a parent wait than I've been giving to getting them to school on time.  I don't know why.  It's totally irresponsible.  So, we've been going outside ten minutes early, to wait and talk and goof around on the steps, and put on suntan lotion.  The last minute stuff still happens, but as long as it doesn't last for ten minutes, it won't make us late.

I don't understand why I can't do this for school.  I don't understand why I'm having more respect for another parent than I am for the kids' entire school.  We could easily walk there ten minutes early and just hang out outside for a few minutes.  I need to be a chronpessimist.  It just doesn't have the same ring to it, but I'm really going to try come September.

This is an original post to NYC Moms Blog. Amy also edits the NYC section of Famplosion, blogs about parenting in Brooklyn while keeping herself sane and comfortable at Selfish Mom, and attempts to keep one step ahead of the stalkers and paparazzi at Filming in Brooklyn and Examiner.com.