Change your Bra, Change your Life

A new ad campaign from the lingerie store {intimacy} has hit subway station billboards: "change your bra, change your life" it says. Really? I thought.  I'm going to change my bra and suddenly I'll be taller, thinner, and sexier?

Let's face it, motherhood - Demi Moore notwithstanding - is not particularly sexy. Yep, nothing says "come hither" more than a spit-up covered shirt, pureed peas in your hair and five days of stubble on your legs.  I’m at the stage when dimmed lights and soft music just make me want a nap.  And it's hard to feel desirable when you haven't had time to shower for three days. Plus, after pregnancy and nursing, it's hard to remember what it was like when your breasts didn't hover somewhere around your navel.

So I had to try it. (Plus, in the spirit of full disclosure, I was invited to try it, and got a gift for doing so.) So yesterday,  I went to the new {intimacy} flagship store on 62nd and 3rd and had a fitting by none other than The Bra Whisperer herself, {intimacy} Founder and Chief Bra Fitter, Susan Nethero, (a five-time Oprah guest. FIVE!). And I learned quite a bit about bra shopping. Turns out, I was wearing the wrong size.  Evidently, while my cup size is still horrifyingly huge, my "band width" is a 32, instead of a 36. Evidently, I am petite! Already my life has changed.

Guess what?  You need a new bra, too.

Now, before you go getting all offended that I’m insulting your bustline, listen to this: 85% of all women are wearing the wrong size!! 85%! That means that next time you are at a swanky cocktail party (and yes, mothers of little ones, there will be a next time) two out of ten women will be fiddling with their straps all night, two others will be sporting some serious back fat they couldn't see in the bathroom mirror, and the other four are gonna be showing a little more than they intended when they bend over to grab a canape. Unless you are one of the 15% in the right size bra, that canape flasher could be you.

It turns out that the wrong size bra does not just turn you into a flasher, it makes you look shorter, fatter, and accentuates that bane of my existence, back fat. A well-fitting bra can fix all that, insists Nethero. And what’s a well fitting bra?  Well, 90% of the support should come from the band – NOT the straps.  Nethero says you should be able to take off the straps and still be held up. News to me. Also the clasp should be in the middle of your back – not somewhere around your shoulder blades. "Think of the bra like a see-saw," said Susan, "When the back goes up, the bra falls down." Yikes.  And this last tip has to do with back fat: it comes from bras that are too BIG, not too small.  Go figure.

But wearing the right bra is about more than looking your best.  It’s about feeling your best, feeling ---dare I say it –sexy.

In the swanky new  dressing room,of the swanky new flagship  {intimacy}store, there is a sign that says (among other things) "Your Breasts are Perfect."  Well, no, I thought. My breasts droop where they should be perky, they slope where they should climb.  They have been filled and then depleted of breast milk.  They have stretched out sweaters, worn down the straps of bras and bathing suits, fed babies and titillated lovers. They have survived a pregnancy that made my breasts swell to a horrifying F-cup—who knew they even made F-cups? -- and now, they are decidedly NOT perfect.

That's where the Bra Whisperer comes in. Without a tape measure, she determined my (new) size, and then brought in bras for me to try. I put on the first bra -- and right away,  there they were:  the breasts I remembered.  High, firm, standing out from my body rather than plastered down to it. Who was it again who didn't have perfect breasts?

Of course those retro tatas come at a price.  It's like I always say about bathing suits: The worse you look, you more you pay. But I think it was worth it. Because as I type this I’m wearing one of my new bras. (I bought some…you know, as long as I was there.) And while I may not be in Demi Moore territory, I do feel a little bit sexier – like a have a secret on under my ratty old sweater.

"Change your bra, Change your life." Hmmmmm.

Original Post to NYC Moms Blog.

Nancy Rabinowitz Friedman blogs about her momming, aging and her twenty year quest to lose the same ten pounds at From Hip to Housewife. You can read her essay in the new book See Mom Run.