I can’t believe that my husband and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary next week-don’t worry mom and dad, that’s the Hebrew date-the English calendar is still the same.
Whether I celebrate the Hebrew, English, or both dates of my wedding anniversary, it is amazing how much I have grown in a person, wife, and mother since that day I stood under the Chuppah and got married. I had only known my husband for six months when we were married-you can close your mouth now-my parents had the same reaction. We only dated three months when I got engaged. Why would I feel like I knew who I was marrying after three short months of dating? What if it didn’t work out? I left those answers to a higher authority, and the rest was up to me and my husband. Let me explain.
I found myself at somewhat of a quest for my purpose in life when I was in my middle thirties. Little did I know that I would find the answer right in my very own backyard, so to speak. I was born Jewish, but did I really know what that meant? After all, I didn’t keep kosher, I didn’t go to Synagogue on Shabbos, and I certainly did not date Jewish men. However, when it came time to think about marriage, I never thought that my heritage would be the deal breaker. It took a very nice non-Jewish boyfriend and a visit to Israel to “bring home” how important Judaism was to me. When I mentioned this to my non-Jewish boyfriend he replied that it was just as equally important for him to have his religion-Catholicism-in his home. I learned so much from this person and realized that religion-Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, Agnostic-should be agreed upon before marriage. And that is when we agreed to go on our own separate paths. It was very painful, but as they say, no pain, no gain. It was at that juncture that I took on finding my Jewish Orthodox husband.
In Jewish Orthodox dating, men and women refrain from – Shomer Negiah- before they get married. I thought this concept was all wrong until I found myself falling in love with a man I had never kissed. I know it sounds crazy, but it all made so much sense to me. We spent our dates talking to each other about our life goals, family, regrets, dreams, and new found appreciation for Judaism. We had been living parallel lives for so many years, and we had so much in common. I would have never met him if it wasn’t for, yes, a matchmaker.
Matchmaker. Matchmaker. Make me a match. That matchmaker knew my husband and knew me, so he had us meet. What the matchmaker didn’t tell me was that this man would be my Beshert. That was obvious after I was treated with the utmost respect on each and every one of our dates. How did I know he wasn’t putting on an act? I had confided in some of my closest friends and mentors and they provided me with invaluable information. They even contacted my potential husband's Rabbi and other members of his community to see if his attributes were good enough to be true. When all the reports came back positive, I knew that he was it.
Even though I did not “know” my husband in an intimate way-TMI (Too Much Information)-I did know that we had everything else of importance in order. It was amazing that I had such butterflies in my stomach on my wedding day. They weren’t butterflies of “what am I doing, I barely know this guy” but feelings of excitement about the life we would be building together.
There were other factors that helped clarify things about my potential husband when dating in a non-physical way. I loved that he was passionate about his career and that he was employed. When I met his parents it was as if I had known them already. However, I had also met some very nice men that were not employed or had come from divorced homes. When I hear that they have since married and now have families of their own, I can’t help but smile.
Am I happier than my friends and family married but not living the Jewish Orthodox life that my husband and I do? That all depends on who you ask. I recently listened to the results of the Orthodox Union Aleinu Marriage Satisfaction Survey, which found the following, “Many studies indicate that couples who participate regularly in religious activities (e.g. church attendance) report greater marital happiness and satisfaction and may be less likely to divorce compared to their less religious counterparts”. It’s as if I answered this question in my own mind when I was dating for marriage. I am so happy that I found my own heritage to be as in love with marriage as I am. Here’s to many more!
This is an original nycmomsblog post. When Esti isn’t finding the latest kosher healthy food and beverages for her family to nosh on, she likes to share her life experiences here and at http://www.primetimeparenting.com.
