Boyfriend visit

When I was in college and my boyfriend (eventually husband) came to visit, my mother let us stay in the same room.  When we visited Rob’s parents, his mother insisted we stay in separate rooms.  We put up with this charade until we got our own apartment.  It was absurd to us that she knew we were living together, even stayed in our apartment, but she had to keep us apart when we visited.  Rob won his first legal argument when he explained the hypocrisy to his parents; his older brothers had all lived with girlfriends who were allowed to stay in their bedrooms when they visited, and his status as the baby of the family shouldn’t infantilize our relationship.

All well and good when we were 19, but now I have an 18-year-old college daughter. She brought home a boy over Thanksgiving – not her boyfriend – along with 2 girls, and the 4 of them crashed in our basement.  I thought the girls should be in one room, Will in the other, but Hallie, my ever wise teen, noted that Will, who lives next door to her at college, sometimes crashes on her floor at school.  What would be the difference here?

Then last weekend, we went to party where a friend told Rob that his 19-year-old daughter brought her college boyfriend home, and they were staying together.  His excuse, one that many New Yorkers can relate to:  in a city where so many are starved for space, they don't have a spare bedroom for overnight guests. 

There is also the issue of how it looks to the younger kids.  I also have a 16-year-old daughter who dates and some of her friends are having sex.  Can I let boys (OK, men) sleep with girls (er, women) and then keep my younger daughter virginal?

And when my daughters are 19 or so, and if they have boyfriends, will I let them sleep in the same room?

This is an original post to NYC mom’s blog.  Read her latest post at Travelveggiemom.