NYC Moms

Want a Home Birth? You Can’t in New York.

I was featured as a natural birth and breastfeeding advocate on Ricki Lake’s site MyBestBirth.com two weeks ago, and only because I read the MBB e-mail newsletter announcing my featured post did I learn that one of the most progressive hospitals in the city, St. Vincent’s in Manhattan, was closed, making it impossible for the home-birth midwives in New York to practice. They are obliged by state law to be approved by a hospital or obstetrician. So any expecting mom wanting to give birth at home can’t now, and the midwives either have to work illegally with their clients or are out of a job.

I'm outraged. This is New York City we are talking about! I’m outraged that I didn’t hear about this earlier, that this isn’t a bigger story. I actually gave birth to my son in a hospital -- we made it there, doula in tow, 20 minutes before he was born -- but I would want to have my baby at home the next time if we had another child. What are the New York midwives supposed to do, and more importantly, what is going to happen to the expecting moms who are close to their due dates, have been working with their midwives throughout their pregnancies, and now aren’t allowed to give birth at home?

Wood you believe it? I'm a feminist!

This past weekend, our television was stuck on the golf channel, following Tiger Woods as he dipped his toe back in the golf pool and played at the Masters.  My husband and son both love to play golf and so enjoyed bonding over the drama of a major tournament.  I have to admit, though, I was curious to see how Tiger would handle his first day back on the job and what his welcome back would be like.   I expected some polite applause and appreciation, perhaps somewhat reserved.  I had hoped that the crowd would reflect how I feel about Tiger:  You are welcome to come back and play golf, but you have a long way to go before you earn my respect for you as a man. So, what sort of reception did he receive? It was positively effusive, enthusiastic, almost embarrassing.  

By embarrassing, I mean shameful for the world of golf and Augusta.  I am not suggesting that Tiger should be banished from the Kingdom, burnt at the stake or thrown on the has-been scrap heap.  He is, arguably, the most important sports person of our generation and as such he adds value to the world of golf and sport. However, I would have preferred less of the sycophantic, bubbly response he got at each hole. Why are these people so easily pleased?  So easily won back?  Don't they want him to work a bit harder for their respect? Then I started to think about the crowd.  It was, of course, Augusta, which is still a male only club.  So, was Tiger getting a big "Way to go, buddy!" pat on the back?  Is this just one step away from the day after a big mistake at a bachelor party?  "What goes on tour, stays on tour" fraternity code of honor?

No Flu Shots for this Family

I've always been skeptical of flu shots.  The concept of injecting myself with a virus, albeit a small one, seems counter-intuitive.  Last year when I was pregnant I debated with my mom and medical professionals if I should get the recommended vaccine.  My grandmother had gotten the flu shot and was sick for weeks. Granted, I am fortunate enough to have a stronger immune system than my 91 year old grandmother, but it further confirms my theory about the flu vaccine.  

Which may lead one to wonder why I readily administered the scheduled vaccines to my children.  

Man (child) v Dog

Every so, like the change in hemlines, comes a new trend in parenting.   We have attachment parenting, helicopter parenting, child-centered parenting, green,  breast-feeding, enlightened.

Now we have parents treating their kids like dogs.

Ok, maybe that’s a bit extreme.  They aren’t feeding the kids kibble and putting them on leashes..

Scratch that.  Some parents ARE putting their kids on leashes, but that’s a safety issue.  And they call it a harness, not a leash.  No, what I’m referring to is parents using the Dog Whisperer’s technique to teach their children who is boss.

My friend was telling me the other day about a 12 year old boy at a local private school who had been arrested for selling pot.  The mom told my friend, ‘I just can’t control him.  I’ve never been able to.’  I think too many parents today get so involved in their children’s lives that they forget the parenting aspect.  Our job, among other things, is to set limits.  I don’t think we need the master/servant relationship the Dog Whisperer espouses, but our children have to understand that no means no.

Where's My Single Mom Reality Show? - It's Now Just Kate Plus Eight

For months, like most of America, I have been riveted to the train wreck that is Jon and Kate Gosselin. I was an early fan of the show and unlike the majority of people, am a Kate fan. I always knew she would prevail as she has a better public relation's team than Jon and is smart enough to stay out of the public eye. And no, having TMZ follow you to Target does not count. 

I had no idea how this melodrama would play out but it never occurred to me that TLC would get rid of Jon and re-title the show "Kate plus eight." What irks me is that TLC is going to pass Kate off as this single mom raising her eight kids alone. She is not raising those kids alone. I am a single mom who adopted her daughter when she was just 12 days old, on my own. Where is my show?

I don't have a stylist, housekeepers, nannies, a bodyguard and cadre of camera man following me around helping me raise my daughter. Yes, raising eight kids is a challenge but seriously, I am not getting $75,000 an episode and live in a million dollar ($1.5million to be exact) house like Kate. She is hardly this struggling single mom. It is an insult to single moms everywhere trying to keep it together with no help to put her in the same boat. 

Calling us Lucky, for now

There he was, pacing back and forth, rubbing his head nonstop.  Agony on his face.  My husband, who seemed fine just hours before was starting to feel the aching signs of a sinus infection.

He had it before.  It gave him painful headaches late at night and affected his ability to sleep or rest.  But by morning, the pain would be gone, and he would be left exhausted.

We just got back from vacation, and the next day was supposed to be his first day back at work.  But he called in sick.  Exhausted from having experienced a night of pain and agony, he decided to see a doctor.

We have insurance.  Great insurance as a matter of fact.  But none of the doctors listed on the insurance list had any openings.  One of the them didn't have an opening till the end of next month!  So, I told my husband to call Ambulatory Care.  Having lived in the Midwest for 3 years I got used to the convenience of what they call Urgent Care Centers.  They were medical centers for situations just like these, where the diagnosis was simple and all that was needed was a prescription.  The centers were lovely and looked like spa centers, with huge fish tanks holding tropical fish in the lobbies, or trickling waterfalls at the bottom of the staircases.  We didn't have any special type of insurance, but we did have private insurance through his employer.

Can A Tragedy Like Columbine's Happen Again? Experts Believe So.

Today is the 10 year anniversary of the tragedy that took place at Columbine High School where 12 students and a teacher were killed and 23 more injured.

Having traveled out of NYC and meeting many who are unfamiliar with my town, I come across many parents who often ask me the same question over and over, "Are schools safe there?"  I often answer yes, stating that it is no different than in other areas.  However, I have to wonder: Are our schools safe? Are our school administrators doing all they can to protect our children, the environment in which we confidently send them to each to day to learn?

According to campus security expert and mental health lawyer, Carolyn Reinach Wolf, Esq., America's schools have done little to prevent a similar or worse tragedy.

Where Has All the Daylight Gone?

Last week, we changed the clocks. This happens every year in New York, but this time, we sprang ahead when it was still winter (remember the old mnemonic, spring ahead, fall behind?).  So my kids - and my husband and I - have been getting up when it's still dark out, and everyone's in a crappy mood.  Not only that, our local Starbucks has been renovating and has been closed the two times I've dragged my butt over there.  

The rationale for the clock change never makes sense.  If we take an hour of daylight from one end, we are losing it at the other.  And we are not really affected whether it gets dark at 5pm or 6pm; we're not going to get confused and go to sleep any earlier.  But dragging yourself out of bed in the middle of the night throws your whole day out of whack. And I don’t buy this whole ‘saving’ an hour bs –seems like a giant Madoff scheme to me.

The Bed Bug Blues

"I'm sorry we haven't hosted any play dates at our house," a dad at school says the other day.  "The truth is, we've been fighting bed bugs for months."  His tale unfolds then--the kind of story that makes you wiggle and shiver and twitch just hearing it.  Back in September, they take their daughter to their family doctor with what they expect are bed bug bites.  The doctor says it's not bed bugs--he even says it a second time, at their next visit.  By the time they finally prove him wrong, the bed bugs have a strangle-hold on their apartment.  "I just wish we had found them right away," he says.  Finally after months of fighting back, they think it's over.  Weeks later, more bites show up on their daughter.

He carries the heavy look of someone fighting a long war.  The things he tells me next scare me even more.

There is a full-blown bed bug outbreak across New York City, and I have missed all the reports.  Apparently, DDT was the only thing that kept them in check and when it was banned, the bed bugs returned with a vengeance.  They are everywhere now--even in some of New York's nicest hotels.  I wonder how long it will take before enough bugs travel back in visitor suitcases to spread our crisis to the rest of the country or the world.

It's funny, stupid.

Next week will be the final week of Black History Month.  As always a lot comes up in form of promotional ads, public service announcements, and the like, on famous, and not so famous members of the Black community recognizing them for things from inventing the ice cream scooper mold to, of course, the election of the First Black (biracial) President of the United States.

But with all the celebration and recognition come the questions, and I would even say, almost irritation towards the whole thing. "Black History Month: Do we even need it?" asked one blogger at a site I frequent, responses to which varied from a passionate yes to a passionate no.

Those who answered yes felt it was important to praise and educate about a people who have had such a powerful impact on the development of our nation. Those who answered no argued that it caused divisiveness, and that it singled out a group unnecessarily.

Then came the New York Post cartoon.  The cartoon, as we all know by now, depicted a reference to the pet chimpanzee who mauled a women, before being killed by police. In the cartoon, one of the officers tells the other, "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill" as they both stand over the bleeding corpse of the animal.